University of British Columbia’s sexual assault policy. Screenshot taken from UBC.ca.

In April 2016, British Columbia passed a bill mandating all public post-secondary institutions establish policies for handling reports of sexual violence on campus. B.C. schools instituted formal procedures in May 2017, becoming the second province, after Ontario, to do so. This change follows a long pattern of dissatisfaction with how B.C. universities handle sexual assault claims.

The University of British Columbia was criticized for its treatment of sexual misconduct allegations that arose last November against Steven Galloway, the now-fired chair of the school’s creative writing program.

Two of the complainants, Chelsea Rooney and Sierra Skye Gemma, say the school did not adequately protect their identities or confidential testimonies, and that the investigation took a serious toll on their mental health. This, they say, gravely damaged their futures in the literary community.

Meanwhile, UBC graduate students Caitlin Cunningham and Glynnis Kirchmeier say it took the school more than 18 months to act on their sexual assault and harassment complaints about now-expelled Dmitry Mordvinov. The women say the delay put other students in danger, with six reports against Mordvinov accumulating in the process. Cunningham says she has “been more traumatized by the process of reporting than… by the incident of assault.” The pattern prompted Kirchmeier to file a human rights complaint in 2016 on behalf of anyone who has reported sexual misconduct to a west-coast university.

The cases led UBC to establish a new sexual violence policy, including hiring directors of investigations to review sexual assault reports and refer them to external investigators. But complaints of university inaction regarding campus sexual violence extend across the province. At Simon Fraser University, students say campus security ignored multiple reports of sexual harassment on campus in weeks prior to an assault in February. And at the University of Victoria, the school wrote one student a letter suggesting she not discuss the findings of the investigation into her November 2015 assault.

The efficacy of B.C. schools’ new policies will show with time. But there is still much work to be done—to create campuses where survivors are believed and protected, where their voices are not silenced, where they are not re-victimized in the process of reporting.

Author of The Gaslight Effect Dr. Robin Stern says gaslighting happens in stages. These stages can overlap and repeat. The first stage, says Stern, is “disbelief.” Gregory is the typical abuser. He is likeable and his paternalistic attitude towards his new bride is not yet taken as the patriarchal bullshit that it really is, and is instead seen as charming. When he slaps her face and acts short, it is easy for Paula to shake off this behaviour as abnormal and out of character. She does not right away identify his abusive nature. While Gregory is a good abuser, Paula is his ideal victim. Paula was separated from her mother as a child and raised by her aunt, who was murdered. She is vulnerable and keen to find a nurturing figure that will stay in her life. Gregory takes advantage of her childhood and its consequent insecurities. Stage two is “defense.” Throughout the movie Gregory tells Paula how forgetful she is often enough that she believes it. He even convinces her that she is sick. Additionally he does things like hiding certain items and then telling her that she lost them. She later finds them and is understandably confused. “Suddenly,” she says, “I’m beginning not to trust my memory at all.”

When Paula begins to suspect Gregory, he tells her she is going crazy. This happens in a lot in cases of abuse. Instead of owning up to their wrongdoings, abusers flip the accountability onto their victim. “If you don’t want that guy to look at you, why did you smile back?”, “You’re just angry with me because you are overly sensitive.” Additionally, since abusers tend to be so likeable, others, such as friends and family, may also question the victim: “Are you sure he really acted like that? Maybe you are overreacting, it doesn’t sound like him.” Paula inevitably becomes depressed, which is stage three. Thankfully it’s a movie so a handsome inspector tells her, “You’re not going out of your mind. You’re slowly and systematically being driven out of your mind.”

We find out Gregory has been going up to the attic looking for Paula’s jewels, and whenever he did the gas lights would dim. Of course whenever Paula commented on this dimming Gregory tells her she is going crazy and the lights aren’t doing anything at all. In real life we don’t get white knights and family jewels. In real life we may not realize we are being abused, and this is very scary. However, what we can do is believe victims when we hear their stories and this faith may break the cycle they’ve been enduring.

Feature image by Hana Shafi

A former This intern, Hillary Di Menna is in her second year of the gender and women’s studies program at York University. She also maintains an online feminist resource directory, FIRE- Feminist Internet Resource Exchange.

“The list exists as way to warn women that these are men to watch out for,” writes Toronto comedian Nick Flanagan. “Men living in Toronto, eating nice food, partying and enjoying life with their friends (maybe with you), living it up while having created awful feelings and memories in others with their actions. The only reason this became more than hearsay is because a photo of it was taken and shared on Facebook. You can say ‘where is the evidence?’ or ‘innocent until proven guilty’, but a community is different than a court. People can be acquitted from crimes for a variety of reasons, even if they committed the act in question. If bad behavior goes unchecked, it continues. And this goes way beyond ‘bad behavior’. Don’t excuse predators because they’re your friends. You have no need for a code of silence. You are not in the mafia. You are a barista.”

I think it is safe to say most people agree rape and other forms of sexual assault are wrong. Yet, this socially accepted fact seems to go out the window when the offender is someone we like.

June’s North by Northeast (NXNE) lineup for the Yonge-Dundas Square performance in Toronto did not include misogynistic rapper Action Bronson as originally planned.  NXNE was less than graceful in their statement, “We are not moving the Action show because we believe in censoring him or any other artists. In fact, we find the limiting of artistic expression distasteful.” The Change.org petition describes some of this expression in one of Bronson’s videos: “The artist cooks a meal over a woman’s dead body, rolls her up in a carpet, throws her in his trunk, and proceeds to violently stab her when he discovers she’s still alive.” Too bad for NXNE’s good time, community members were not OK with hearing rapey messaging.

The Casualties

We’re now approaching the end of summer and punk band The Casualties had an unsuccessful Canadian tour. Many in the punk community know the lead singer, and only member of the band’s original line up, Jorge Herrera, as someone who’s been accused of sexually assaulting teenage girls. After one woman, Beth, came forward publicly via blog post, many others have shared their stories. “Incidents like this involving this dude have been sadly talked about since the late ’90s,” wrote one person.

Many venues cancelled their scheduled shows with The Casualties after communities stepped forward in protest. At least two venues continued with the show, but took The Casualties off the bill and donated proceeds to women’s charities. Such moves have prompted complaints from fans who believe they have a right to see the band play. See, for instance: “That’s your opinion, let me see my favourite band play”—as if human rights and rape being wrong is a matter of opinion.

In her post “I Won’t Apologize For Being Assaulted,” Beth writes:

“I totally bum people out because I happened to have been sexually assaulted by the singer of a band they like .. I know, I know. I should have tried harder for a band just begging to be rejected and ridiculed so it wouldn’t ruin your iPod rotation but hey, then again, it really wasn’t my choice. But man, what a total inconvenience to poor you to know something bad about a band you love. Just ignore the facts, I mean it WAS a long time ago. It’s not like I can still remember I was wearing cargo camo shorts and a v-neck white Hanes t-shirt… an outfit TOTALLY putting off do-me vibes with my freshly shaved head and not shaved legs.”

This story has also sadly resurrected the “But why didn’t she go to the police?” narrative. Yet, let’s remember that, asa YWCA fact sheet about violence against women reminds us, cases of sexual assault are among the most under-reported crimes—in fact, the majority of such cases go unreported. One of the reasons for this is because of the type of victim blaming that is currently happening. Another is the trauma victims are forced to relive throughout the court process. And while not every venue welcomed The Casualties, some continue to firmly support the band, like Toronto’s Virgin Mobile Mod Club. The show’s promoter, Inertia Entertainment, cancelled the show, but only after continued public pressure. The Facebook cover photo for the cancelled event was changed to a picture of a witch hunt. Inertia’s response on the matter continues to blame Beth, the victim, and calls her supporters illogical.

Sexual assault—rape—is still a disgusting and violent act even if someone popular and “cool” does it.

Beth, is celebrating her birthday by raising money for the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network. You can donate here.

A former This intern, Hillary Di Menna is in her second year of the gender and women’s studies program at York University. She also maintains an online feminist resource directory, FIRE- Feminist Internet Resource Exchange.

He is right. Wickstrom’s story was published January 20. This is the same date Feminist Frequency’s Anita Sarkeesian started her week’s worth of Twitter harassment. Attacks against her included name calling regarding her race and gender, as well as death and rape threats. Sarkeesian is a target of GamerGate, which gained a lot of attention in late 2014 and is the new storyline for a popular crime drama. Other targets include:  Leigh Alexander, Jenn Frank, Zoe Quinn, Brianna Wu and Stephanie Guthrie. Jobs were lost, home addresses were published, lives were threatened and a “Montreal Massacre-style attack” was promised—all because these women pointed out some factors of our misogynistic culture.

Not-for-profit digital and media literacy organization Media Smarts lays out how the law addresses online cyberbullying, saying, “Harassment is a crime under the Criminal Code. Harassment is when something a person says or does makes someone fear for his or her safety, or for the safety of others. Even if the perpetrator did not intend to frighten someone, she or he can be charged with harassment if the target feels threatened. Criminal harassment is punishable by up to 10 years in prison.”

Knowing this isn’t entirely comforting though, as social media is still regarded as new and court processes can be drawn out and are known to for forcing victims of gendered violence to relive their abuse. Online abuse is too often written off as a joke or not “real” because it is online. When, in fact, the abuse faced by the aforementioned women and many others, is not only real but also often a sign of “real life” violence to come. Must we wait for it to materialize after the online warnings?

Four days after Sarkeesian’s collection ended, I received a lengthy letter calling me an uneducated, white trash Nazi pushing my agenda—these were the kinder words—because of my wacky feminist belief that rape is a real thing that happens. I laughed it off, but would be lying if I said it hasn’t lingered in my mind, reminding me that the fear of future violence is a valid one. It is also sad that I consider myself lucky that the harassment I have faced hasn’t involved violent threats.

However, if I ever do need to contact the police, I’ll also contact the abusers’ moms.

A former This intern, Hillary Di Menna is in her first year of the gender and women’s studies program at York University. She also maintains an online feminist resource directory, FIRE- Feminist Internet Resource Exchange.

The sentiment behind statements like, “Hitting a woman is not something a real man does,” is appreciated, encouraged and needed. However, the language needs to be tweaked so that it is known that much of the abuse against women is at the hands of real men. Real men like the RCMP’s Constable Kevin Theriault who was told he could have a woman released in his care so her could take her home because, as a senior officer said, “You arrested her, you can do whatever the fuck you want to do.” Or the real men behind the statistic, provided by Canadian Women, that every six days, on average, a Canadian woman is killed by her intimate partner.

These perpetrators of violence aren’t obvious, and that is why victim blaming seems so natural to our culture as a whole. When the “bad guy” isn’t who we’ve come to expect—a shadowy figure, not a trusted authority, peer, partner or family member—they can’t possibly be one … right? “I am arguing that part of the problem with the ‘real man’ discourse is that it erases the existence of actual, real men who perpetuate acts of violence against women,” writes Dr. Rebecca Hains in the comments section of a critique she wrote on the video “Slap Her.”

The problematic message behind real men don’t hit women also lies within already dangerous gender roles. If a man isn’t a real man they are lesser, they are weaker, and according to binary thinking, that makes them feminine—the lowest of the low. A “real” man is stronger and better than that.

“This culture, which glorifies an ideal of male dominance, is responsible for a society which sees women routinely experience the unimaginably harmful—and, sadly, often fatal—consequences of this ideal,” writes Millie Brierley for Feministing. “That is why suggesting that ‘real men’ don’t hit women is so damaging: it is fighting a problem with the very problem itself. It’s flawed, cyclical logic which is never going to fix the problem.”

If a man uses violence to assert his dominance while exploiting his privilege, he is doing so in order to prove he is a real man.

Though the intentions behind the message are good, the message sent is, as John Stoltenberg notes in Feminist Current, focused on gender identity being the determining factor in choice making rather than moral identity.

We don’t need the image of a “manly man” to save us from gender inequality; we need the manly man image to disappear completely.

A former This intern, Hillary Di Menna is in her first year of the gender and women’s studies program at York University. She also maintains an online feminist resource directory, FIRE- Feminist Internet Resource Exchange.

Of course, violence against women becoming the focus of conversation got some people angry. Coincidentally, this ManKind Initiative video went viral* at the same time as #YesAllWomen, with many video-sharers writing about how this proves violence against women is always taken seriously, and therefore isn’t the real problem. Other gems included: Let’s just forget about it and move on; violence is violence, why segregate it into just violence against women; and, let’s all forget about feminism and be humanists instead. Blah blah blah. How very noble.

Instead of seeing the very real struggles and violence women are faced with every day, many saw the discussion as man-bashing. Because, what about the men? Not all men are like that!

As a friend of mine says, “If it bothers someone that gendered violence against women is a *focus* of conversation, that person should probably look internally to figure out why that is, rather than throwing a bunch of misogynistic and derailing temper tantrum on the interwebz.”

Fantasy author Jim C. Hines also wrote a response to this attitude on his Facebook page:

“Countless women are speaking out about their own experiences of being threatened, harassed, stalked, intimidated, and assaulted by men for the ‘crime’ of saying no. And you as a guy want to make the conversation about your hurt feelings?”

It is often the case that everything feminist gets derailed in order to make it seem less important. This strategy is clearly successful as the patriarchy is still very strong—if it weren’t, this pesky Yes All Women nonsense wouldn’t exist. I agree that some people truly believe sexism doesn’t exist, or that feminism prevents all sides from being heard. But as Feministing contributor Juliana Britto writes in her article An open letter to privileged people who play devil’s advocate, “These discussions may feel like ‘playing’ to you, but to many people in the room, it’s their lives you are ‘playing’ with. The reason it feels like a game to you is because these are issues that probably do not directly affect you.”

Others don’t want anything to change, or they simply don’t care; they dismiss feminism to justify their lack of empathy and action. Thankfully, as the Yes All Women movement grows, these people are controlling the conversation less and less.

* Violence against men isn’t funny, despite the amount of male rape jokes telling us otherwise. Dismantling the societal expectation that males must be tough guys and not “pussies” will help everyone a great deal. However, the existence of violence against men  does not make the predominant sexism against women disappear. It is a shame this video took the comparison route to showcase a real problem.

So I did. And then I was faced with more discouraging questions: Was I sure I wasn’t exaggerating? I got through court dates and the gossip. I re-grouped, and I had help from some family members and Luke’s Place, an amazing Durham Region-based organization that helps abused women get through the court process.

But why did I need help? It sounds simple: If someone is hurting you, you leave, you certainly don’t continue an intimate relationship with the person. As the Canadian Women’s Foundation points out, however, it isn’t that easy:

Domestic abuse is often a gradual process, with the frequency of assaults and seriousness of the violence slowly escalating over time. Since abusers often express deep remorse and promise to change, it can take years for women to admit that the violence will never stop and the relationship is unsalvageable. The long-term experience of being abused can destroy a woman’s self-confidence, making it more difficult for her to believe that she deserves better treatment, that she can find the courage to leave, or that she can manage on her own.

Band Back Together, a weblog maintained by “a band of survivors,” describes emotional abuse as brainwashing: “it erodes a person’s self-esteem, confidence, and trust in their own judgment.” In other words, if you’re abused your thought process becomes hardwired with doubting. You ask yourself questions like: “Am I sure what is happening is abuse?”

This is hard to shake off. (In many cases, people won’t let you shake it off.) In my life, no matter what accomplishments I’ve made since, there will always be people who are certain that I am incapable of making any healthy decisions. Maybe it is out of a place of concern, I’d like to think, but I also know better: if you want to help an abuse victim feel like they are competent again, telling them what to do and questioning their life decisions does not help.

Violence Against Women, a section on a U.S. site, WomenHealth.gov  says you can’t rescue an abused friend: “Support her no matter what her decision.”

If you have a friend who cannot leave, or are being abused and are struggling to leave, know that this does not make you a bad person—it just means your abuser is very good. It just means that leaving an abuser is incredibly difficult. HelpGuide.org provides the following Dos and Don’ts:

Do: ask if something is wrong, express concern, listen and validate, offer help, support his or her decisions.

Don’t: Wait for him or her to come to you, judge or blame, pressure him or her, give advice, place conditions on your support.

Half of all Canadian women have experienced physical or sexual violence. This isn’t a problem regarding poor choices, it is an issue that deserves more attention and victim support.

A former This intern, Hillary Di Menna writes Gender Block every week and maintains an online feminist resource directory, FIRE- Feminist Internet Resource Exchange.

The post begins with 17 years worth of good things—Parsons love of animals, a box he planned to give her full of childhood crafts—before Canning recounts the heartbreak his daughter felt the last 18 months of her life. The Nova Scotia family says that Parsons was raped, at 15, by four boys. Pictures of the gang rape circulated social media sites, the teen received text messages from strangers asking for sex, and was bullied even after changing schools. The authorities said there was not enough evidence to charge the boys. Only after she killed herself, has the case been reopened.

“Rehtaeh Parsons thought the worst outcome for her case would be no charges against the men who raped her but we all know better. The worst thing that could happen would be charges,” Canning added, directly addressing the Justice Minister of Nova Scotia. “That they would be found guilty, and that Rehtaeh would sit on a court bench and listen in utter disbelief as they were given parole, or a suspended sentence, or community service. All for completely destroying her life while they laughed.”

Unfortunately, Canning’s not exaggerating the possiblity of light punishment. “Nova Scotia has the highest rate of sexual assault and some of the lowest charge, conviction and sentencing rates in Canada,” Liberal MLA Kelly Regan told the legislature April 9. The rest of Canada isn’t so great, either. Consider this: two years ago Kenneth Rhodes served no jail time after he raped a woman because a Manitoba judge said the victim’s wardrobe—a tube top—suggested, “Sex was in the air.” With such bleak facts and the added confusion to an already life-altering situation, it is no wonder only 10 per cent of sexual assaults against women are reported.

Oshawa-based Luke’s Place is the only Canadian support centre for abused women and their family going through the court system of its kind. Founded in September 2003, the centre helps victims connect with emergency shelter, lawyers and other social services. Its staff also offers help with court paperwork, guidance through the court system, counselling, information resources and provides someone to attend court with the abused.

In addition to such on-the-ground work, the organization also brings public awareness to the issue of violence against women. This includes sexual, physical, psychological and economical abuse. Their website provides six Ontario-based research reports on over 132 abused women and their experiences in the courtroom. In the reports, women detail any combination of: feeling threatened, fearing retaliation, not being able to find representation, reliving abuse, and not being able to afford court expenses.

Many also said they were frustrated with court policy interfering with their cases—such as the sparse contact between family and criminal court. In one example, a man was sentenced to a month in prison for strangling his partner; this information was not relayed to the family court responsible for determining child custody. Sixty-two per cent of women said they wished judges and lawyers had a better understanding of the impact of such violence.

In many ways, it seems justice comes down to money. Women make up the majority of lone parent families and have an average annual income of $30,000. Legal Aid will not be rewarded until all assets are sold and savings are spent. Even then, Legal Aid can run out, and legal bullying can extend the process. Examples of this include: when the accused brings forward motions or appeals even when it’s likely they won’t be successful, or when the accused changes lawyers just to extend the court process—causing victims more pain.

If the judicial system is so intimidating for victims, important case evidence can not be brought to light, restricting any true justice.